I've learned my lesson, Internet.
My last post was about my ambivalence about online dating and my non-ambivalent feelings about Kim Kardashian's declaration on the cover of People that she hadn't expected to be 30 and still unmarried. It was possibly not my most charitable post.
In truth, I bear no ill will to Miss Kardashian. She was just on my mind because I'd read about her while waiting for my dentist appointment. And before you accuse me of jealousy, I want to clarify that I am not jealous of her money (more trouble than it is worth, I've heard), her reality t.v. show (I am a total dork in front of cameras), or of her magazine cover shoot art directors that bizarrely think she needs to be Photoshopped (crazy people are annoying).
In order to show you that I was a perfectly nice and non-bitter person, I wrote a whole post about how I wished Kim Kardashian and That Tall Basketball Guy well on their engagement. The post talked about how lucky she was to meet someone she loved so much. I said all kinds of nice things about love.
But her engagement was really short, and I was kind of slow about putting the post up. And then suddenly she was married, her wedding was broadcast on E, and the guests were rumored to have gotten flip-flops with the bride and groom's names. Oops.
So I revised the post. I talked instead about weddings and wished the happy couple well on their marriage. I was going to post that a few days ago, but then I went to a party and figured that there was no harm in posting the next morning.
The next morning I woke up and my favorite DJs informed me that Mrs. Kardashian is getting divorced. (Don't believe me? 29,300,000 Bing search results are unlikely to all be wrong.)
I admit it: my first thought was "CRAP. I have to write that post AGAIN?!" This is because I am a terrible person.
My second thought was, "Poor people. That's horrible."
Seriously, getting divorced under any circumstance must be terrible. Getting divorced after a few months is embarrassing. Getting divorced in front of media scrutiny would be... hell on earth.
Now I have a new hobby: I'm writing in my gratitude journal 29,300,000 times how glad I am that my breakups are of no interest to TMZ, with the hopes that I can ward off the bad karma that I surely deserve from using Miss Kardashian as blog fodder. As soon as I finish that, I'll rewrite my old blog post again. Really, I'll get right on that.